i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
