the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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