its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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