My hand turned me down
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
