i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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