I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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