You can't motorboat a personality
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
