when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
