You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
