Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
