Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
