He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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