You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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