Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
