Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize