He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
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He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The air taste purple.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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