Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
