He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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