eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
