Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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