i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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