I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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