When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
