The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
