Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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