woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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