he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
