just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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