Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
