I just made out with a guy for $7.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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