so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
