SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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