U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
