Please, let me fuck your mom
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
