the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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