I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
