I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
