I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
