rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
