I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You may now shotgun with the bride
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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