I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
