My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
