So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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