If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
