Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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