i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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