I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
