She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize