My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
