Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
