You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
