I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
