Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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