his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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