his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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