so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
