I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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