It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
