I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
