....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
