we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
