just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
