I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
